Tough Questions for Me
This past week I've been thinking a lot about my life and what I want to do with it. Perhaps that's because I turned 17 this week which totally reminded me that in a year I'll be 18, be graduating from highschool and starting a new "era" of my life. That kinda freaks me out because there is so much I want to do, but I have no idea when I'm gonna do all of it. And I guess it's made me realize that I'm gonna have to decide some things in the near future because I don't have years to make up my mind anymore. I'm probably overly evaluating everything since I still do have a year but still. So I'm thinking that I'm gonna go into the medical field for sure, but I also want to do something with worship because life would be so completely not fulfilling without it. Also I want to travel at some point and I want a husband and kids someday, and I think it'd be cool to do some kind of mission work, although that could possibly fall under the worship category. So basically there's a lot to do, and I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. I think I need to remember that my life isn't over after my twenties. I sometimes think that I have all this stuff to do and only ten years to do it in. I know that that's not the case so I shouldn't worry about that. I suppose the best thing to do is just trust God with it because I'm sure He has some master plan worked out. And since I want to do all these things, they are most likely God given desires and He wouldn't give them to me and then say, " Oh sorry there isn't time for that one." I'm really learning not to worry so much, but I'm still thinking about different things I'd like to do. Oh and this weekend was actually really good. Like at youth last night, I got some things worked out with God and it's almost like a refreshing in a way. Like I don't know how to explain it but I went deeper with God last night and I can tell some good things are gonna come from it. It all basically came with something that Michael said to the youth. He was talking about giving things to God and having peace about things and that the only way to truly give something to God is to admit that you can't go on without God's help. As Michael was saying that I was sitting there trying to think of something that I needed to give to God and I couldn't really think of anything super important. Then it kinda hit me that I've been really trying to make my relationship with God work and be "perfect". Like I've been doing better with not making it so structured and everything but there's still been something missing and I've felt almost like I'd gone a certain distance with God but that I've been stuck for a while. I can't make it work by myself but last night when I fully realized that, I gave it to God and it's pretty cool. I know I have to walk it out and not just assume that God's gonna handle it, because I need to put into the relationship too, but yeah. Even this morning during worship I just felt a lot more free to worship God. Like there were no hindrances or something. So anyway that's pretty much what I've been going through/thinking about with God.